Aerobatic contest Wilson, NC and fundraiser for SSgt Luke Van Dorston



Tomorrow I get tested, poked and prodded in many different ways.  One of the good things about the clinical trial is that I will be monitored very precisely.  Establishing a baseline of heart, liver, blood, swallowing and more will help determine the effects of the drug cocktail.  Carboplatin and paclitaxil have been used for decades lapatinib is the relative newcomer only used on people since about 2007.  The trail is not about experimental drugs as much as it is about the specific cocktail and using it against head and neck squamous cell in conjunction with transoral surgery and radiation. 
  So what do you do on the weekend before you sit in chair #36? 

IAC 19 has a contest at the Wilson Industrial Airport.  One of my good friends and I competed last year. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmQRwuem16Y

  I also want to go to the fundraiser for a fellow combat controller who has been stricken with cancer.  http://combatcontrolnet.blogspot.com/2013/04/ssgt-luke-van-dorston-fundraiser.html  It puts it into perspective; I am a relatively old dude and my kids are grown.  It would be cool to do either or both.  I would like to ride my motorcycle but I think my mom and my wife will gang up on me if I tried.  It is great to be loved on by these two beautiful women.  I am totally blessed. 

  Z told me to change the settings so y'all should be able to post comments. 

Therapy dogs and cats that need therapy

Dogs and humans bond in ways that heal your soul.  When I was going to the doctor and it was looking more and more ominous I told my wife "if it is cancer I am getting a puppy"  Tuesday morning the call came and I started searching.  We went to the local shelters and fell in love with many creatures.  We visited the Lee County, Harnett County and Fort Bragg shelters.  It is heart-breaking to see so many living things in distress.  One of the shelters said they get fifty animals a week.  One of the shelters keeps the animals until there is no more room...one of them euthanizes them on a schedule. 
  The "puppy" that I bonded with almost immediately was a 65 pound black dog that the kennel technician had named "bonehead"...it was appropriate.  The gospel dog...doomed to die because not many people are looking for a big black bonehead.  Cute little puppies look at you with their Disney eyes and go home.  Big dogs that look at you like they are considering consuming you or licking you into submission scare sane people…So the bonehead got a dog...or the bonehead got a human. 
  He has earned a name thanks to my son.  He is "the amazing Benjamin Franklin"...he is still working on the amazing part...and goes by Ben.  In a very predictable manner my cat has issues with the new arrival due to his questionable background. 

Benjamin has decided to pursue a career as a therapy dog.  http://www.tdi-dog.org/ He is doing well in the performance demonstration methods but his having a hard time on the academic portion.  He is most concerned with the written test. 

 
  I am writing this blog as cathartic therapy but I have gotten positive feedback from friends.  If you enjoy the posts I am thrilled.  If you are going through a tough time and you can find solace in the fact that a mad man can find humor in the absurdity of life that is a major bonus.  More than one person has said they were unable to post comments; if you know how please post instructions in the comments. 

Gardening

I never would have thought when I was a young man that I would get into gardening.  Traveling the world jumping out of airplanes and blowing things up is lots of fun.  A garden requires tending in order to thrive.  I retired in 2004.  One day I read an article about straw bale gardening and thought "that sounds easy enough" and bought a hay bale.  The article had a very elaborate method to prepare the bales...but that is not what I did...I did nothing and after several months bought a tomato plant and just stuffed it in the hay bale.  I watered the heck out of it.  It grew like crazy.  So one hay bale became five and I was reminded how good home grown tastes...by the end of the season my rube Goldberg trellis was falling down and my hay bales were almost completely disintegrated but the plants were saying "feed me Seymour"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7SkrYF8lCU
  The next season I decided to be a bit more scientific and made raised beds.  The first was just boards around the decayed hay bales 5'x5' the next was a 10'x10' we also had a bunch of plants in pots.  That season was very bountiful but the geese ate a lot and my wife won't let me snipe them off the back porch.  So I built a fence...a big fence.  We put a few raised beds along the fence line...4'x50', 4'x10, 4'x12' and had two conventional in the ground plots outside the wire in goose country, 20'x50' and 30'x30'.  This was getting crazy.  At some point it shifts from gardening to agriculture.  Someone suggested "you should sell at the farmers market" so we did.  My son and I would wake up early and harvest, drive to the market and set out the vegetables of our labor. 
  I like gardening, I like playing in the dirt, I don't really like eating vegetables and some of the customers were goofy.  "I’ll give you 27 cents for that"...when it was marked as 30 cents.  I did not need the money and the person bargaining did not either they were just bored retirees looking for entertainment early on a Saturday.  What do I do with all of the un-purchased veggies?  The local extension agent suggested the local food pantry.  It was then that I was introduced to the Breadbasket.  They prepare a hot meal Monday through Friday for people, free of charge, and free of judgment.  I started giving vegetables and time.  Wow how gratifying!  I am an idiot and at times find myself judging rather than just serving.  The wonder woman who honchos the place really likes the herbs and spices I bring, rosemary, mint, basil, cayenne peppers and cilantro.  We quit selling to the farmers market...Saturday mornings are meant for sleeping, flying, fishing and other activities that retirees like myself engage in...so far I have not discovered the delight of shopping.
  I have found joy in gardening.  I try to be as organic as possible.  Companion gardening, intercropping, top soil preservation, pruning, mulching and other topics are all very deep.  God teaches me about His nature through the garden.  I learn many lessons about myself through my interaction with nature.  My favorite gardening tool is still the flamethrower.  My wife is teaching me to enjoy eating vegetables. 

The best medicine

  My wife can make me laugh so hard I want to pee and cry at the same time.  One of the beauties of being married for a while is that I have heard that joke before…and it gets better and better every time.  In addition to spreading and accepting unearned grace another marital muscle that should be exercised is humor.  One of the biggest jokes of all is two idiot humans trying to act like grown ups…if you can not laugh at that then you take yourself way too serious.  It is as if a child from a family of clowns and the spawn of court jesters met in a bar.  They dance and sing and act like fools…maybe not acting.  Have you met our kids?

My mom made some good ‘ol southern cooking…extra thick gravy and heavy biscuits.  She is trying to fatten me up.  Next week I go to the hospital to get tests and the following week I start the protocol.  It is weird that we live in a society where losing weight is a huge goal and many often go hungry.  Cancer and dysentery will hook you up if you are looking to lose that last twenty…but few are lining up for that amazing weight lose plan. 

  I feel like Hansel and Gretel needing to show my finger.  As if the cancer were cackling “still too thin to cook”…I am lifted up in prayer and surrounded by three women who love me…my wife, my mother and my daughter.  Thank God.

Rice and beans

I took my mom to the flying club.  Maintenance night is on Wednesdays.  We perform limited preventative maintenance under the supervision of our awesome director of maintenance.  The two "key volunteers" that honcho the program are a piece of work.  Detail freaks in the extreme.  Both of them learned to fly at the club and discovered many mutual interests.  Motorcycles, recreational marksmanship, and of course, they are crazy about all things airplane. 
  How do you tell if you have a pilot at your party?
  They will tell you...repeatedly. (bu dum bump)

  A truth that I know is that most people say "wow, that is cool, tell me more"...and after a few minutes their eyes glaze over.  The wonderful thing about the airport is that there are people who are as interested in the minutia of all things aviation as I.  What is even more interesting is that several of my good friends that I met through flying are from vastly different backgrounds and we probably never would have met much less become good friends.  Airplanes do not care how good looking, how ugly, how rich, how smart...it is physics.  That is one of the great things about aerobatic contests...no one really cares what your name is...just how you fly

  And what the heck does this have with rice and beans? At the end of maintenance night we have rice and beans and stuff...generally some kind of vegetables, lots of hot sauce and a few tall tales…fellowship can take many forms.  I continue to be amazed at the depth of my blessings. 

Ronney and the Cancer 3

Yesterday we went to the hospital and met with the treatment team and determined the course of action.  I will participate in a clinical trial.  Some of the details are here:  http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01612351 

  The idea is to minimize the adverse effects of the treatment.  If my limpoolio reacts well to the chemo then I will have an operation to remove the remnants of the affected lymph nodes and a biopsy to confirm the absence of cancer.  Then my treatment is complete minus monitoring which will continue for a few years.  If the limpoolio is stubborn then we will proceed with more chemo and add radiation therapy up to and including the standard of care method. 
  Now I am waiting for scheduling.  I will be undergoing several tests that are not in the standard of care package.  The fancy heart test is probably the one that will take the longest to get scheduled.  It may take two weeks to get in and a week for the results meaning treatment could start as late at three weeks from now.  I asked the doctor if that was a long delay and if we could get the tests done elsewhere, Womack, VA or elsewhere.  The doctor said "no more monkeys jumping on the bed"...no really the response was that if I was going on a three month vacation to fulfill my bucket list that would be too long but a few weeks is not a huge deal. 
  I am a very lucky man.  Yesterday I had a house full of love...half a dozen girls loving on me.  Surrounded by family and friends…we ate too much, laughed too much, played with the kids and animals and performed the 4000 mile maintenance on one of the motorcycles.  I thank God for all my blessings.

These are a few of my favorite things

Today I woke up!  My lovely wife prepared us a healthy breakfast.  We attended church on the internet http://spoutsprings.sermon.tv/ Soon after breakfast my son and I headed off to the motocross track for family fun day.  http://www.devilsridgemotox.com/ I was riding my hog and my son was on the dual sport.  It was a great ride over, we took a few wrong turns but with spring in full action I did not care.  (Life is good if you can enjoy the scenery on the detour)  My friend offered me a turn on his motocross bike so that my son and I could ride together.  It was AWESOME!  We practiced doughnuts and peeling out!  Fun, fun, fun.  Rolling on the throttle of a rip snorting beast…Only a few wheelies!  The oncologists would not have any sympathy with me if I got hurt on a dirt bike.  My daughter and daughter outlaw were there to cheer us on.  When they said grace at lunch it resonated with my soul.  What a blessing it is to be alive and part of His creation.  The trip home was as engaging as the ride over.  Back roads in the country really make the world come out in high definition.  Sweet smells of wisteria and honeysuckle contrast with whiffs of manure and skunk.  The vivid colors of the world coming to life are magnified by the Carolina blue skies.  My son and I in the wind, sweeeeeeet!  (Bikers understand why dogs stick their head out the window) You have to be careful not to grin too wide cause the bugs are also out on days like this.
  Later in the day I went to the flying club http://wingsofcarolina.org/ and worked with some of my friends.  They are working on their instrument ratings.  I am still not flying because I don't think I pass the IMSAFE checklist...but we had a great time on the simulator developing and honing their basic attitude instrument skills.  It was a typical day at the club with a bunch of airplane nuts and their families flying and talking about flying.  It was a joy to spend a day around bikes, planes and the people that dig them.  I am a bit intimidated with medical battles to coming in next few weeks but I am certainly motivated to win the fight! 

Livestrong helps

Livestrong is the organization that Lance Armstrong founded.  Despite his later decisions it is a great organization.  They set up referrals to other organizations specific to your needs.  They referred me to the patient advocate foundation. 
   This organization helps with resources and dealing with insurance, social security, housing and other items.  The dentist recommended a cleaning before starting treatment and increasing the frequency of cleanings to every 3 months.  The dental plan I have is not going to do that without a fight.  I will fight but in the meantime the patient advocate suggested several workable solutions.  I am going to the local dental school to get a cleaning.  I probably would have never considered that option.
  I will continue to cheer the helping organizations in further posts.  In the spirit of living strong my son and I are going to ride motorcycles. 

The garden analogy

When removing weeds you can pull them by hand.  This is surgery. 
You can use herbicide.  This is chemo.
You can use a flame thrower.  This is radiation.

Yes I have a flame thrower to remove weeds.  It is great.  I use it in the ditch which has riff raff (rock) and is a pain to weed eat.  The string keeps breaking and I know there are snakes around...I think the noise would scare them off but I am not keen on finding out.  The weed dragon flame thrower kills the weeds and bugs and snakes and pretty much everything.  Collateral damage can be high.  I love to use it around sunset so I can see the smoldering embers.

Learning from the mistakes of others

When people ask me "how hard is flying?"  I reply that the individual tasks are not hard but the combination can be overwhelming.  “There is nothing HARD about flying, two or three hundred really easy things that will kill you if you don’t get them right.” 
  One of the ways to avoid the pitfalls that have happened to other aviation professionals and not so professionals is to study the mistakes of others.  NTSB reports, articles in the flying magazines and the NASA aviation safety reporting system website http://asrs.arc.nasa.gov/
            The idea “we can learn a lot from near accidents” is a great thought.  The challenge was to get the people to fess up.  “I failed to complete the checklist and almost killed all my passengers”…is not a likely confession if the penalty of enforcement is present.  This is the thought behind the “NASA form”.  A pilot, controller, maintenance technician and other personnel can fill out a NASA form and it protects them from prosecution.  This allows a pilot who busts an altitude a chance to “get out of jail free” by providing the “how I did it” narration.  This way data is gathered and the community benefits by learning that “the autopilot in XXX aircraft will not capture altitude when the feringy knob is in delta 5” or something similar.  There are restrictions like you can not be willfully violating rules, criminally negligent and some other restrictions.
            Anyway the site has a section to sign up for the ARSS callback, a periodic email that outlines a particular issue.  The latest is about gear up landings.  Expensive, rarely fatal, always embarrassing. 

"Dad, I woke up!" and being on fire

When my son was very young, and learning how to get up and make his bed he would come into our bedroom and announce "DAD, I WOKE UP!" sometimes at five in the morning, or earlier…At times it was somewhat painful for me to wake up.  However the fact that he was enthusiastic about spending time with me was infectious.  I resolved at that point to start approaching my day that way.  Many days it is hard.  The fact that I am alive is AWESOME!  Another day on this planet.  I have many friends who are not with me.   http://www.cctmemorial.com/    http://pjassn.net/downloads/pararescuehonorrolloct2011.pdf
 
  I had my first parachute malfunction in 1986.  I am living on borrowed time.  I use the illustration for my flight students "have you ever been on fire?"  Your perception of time changes.  This is a good intro to remaining calm during emergency procedures.  "You have the rest of your life to fix it."  Sometimes that is measured in smaller chronological units. 
 
  The main point is to enjoy every breath as much as you can.  As we said in Scuba school "a breath of water is like no breath at all."  The little things in life that we take for granted are to be savored.  Breathing, walking, and swallowing are things you don't really appreciate until you can not do them.  Tell the people you love how much they mean.  Thank the Lord in heaven for the vivid life we have.  If you have something in your bucket list get after it!  Bury the hatchet and get rid of all that crap that slows you down or bums you out.  Life is too short not to live it to the fullest. 
  I wish I could have told my buddies that committed suicide something.  Anything.  I am an idiot...I know that.  I am full of pride and reluctant to ask for and accept help.  But when I start down that road I remember "DAD, I WOKE UP!" and that I am currently not on fire.


Sorry about the cheerful post.

Ronney and the cancer 2

 Praise God.  We are lifted up by the prayers and love of our friends and family.  Livestrong.org is a great resource.  

  We spent a half day at the hospital from 8 am to 6 pm on April 15.  I used to think of tax day as a day of suck...this added a new level.  I met the dentist, the chemo and radiation doctors.  They have several options of treatment.  Pain and suffering, suffering and pain and a combination of both.  We recorded the visits and that is very helpful. 

Notes from 15 April 2013 consult

The dentist:  no need to remove teeth…brush and floss more and get a cleaning before starting the program…chemo makes you immune suppressed and infection is an issue. It also causes mucositis.  Radiation kills salivary glands and that make you have dry mouth and makes it harder for the body to break down foods and keeping a clean mouth (buffering acid)…”Taking care of your teeth will be your new hobby.”  One patient used ketchup, mustard and lemon juice to mitigate damage…must brush the teeth afterwards. The radiation may make the saliva ropey again less effective.  Must do exercises to keep the mouth able to move…really bad stuff includes radioostionecrosis which is where the bones (jaw) die and that makes all kinds of issues…maybe have to cut out the dead bone and replace.  Bioteen helps with dry mouth.  High fluoride toothpastes and trays to put your teeth in…floss more...like brush and floss three times a day.  Using waxed floss works better.   They recommended a cleaning before starting the treatment and increasing the frequency of cleaning to once every three months.  Delta Dental personnel said basically no way…but I kept pressing and got an address to send complaints. 

            The chemo doctor discussion: talked about the treatment options.

1.a.  Standard of care.  Chemo radiation…cisplatin is the type of chemo drug once every three weeks radiation Monday through Friday

1.b.  Change the chemo to once a week same cumulative dose

2.  Different chemo drug

3.  Clinical trial one front load chemo for six weeks then standard of care

4.  Clinical trail two chemo for six weeks, then surgery, then evaluate…no cancer = done…cancer still present = standard of care

http://www.cisplatin.org/

Cisplatin causes lots of problems including nerve damage, hearing loss, kidney damage and others.  My biggest concern is the hearing loss/nerve damage.  My hearing is already damaged and more damage might permanently deafen me.  This would be a serious quality of life issue.  The anti-nerve gas pills we took in the first gulf war Pyridostigmine bromide (PB) caused tingling in my hands and feet.  I have tinnitus already. 

Radiation doctor: intensity-modulated radiation therapy (IMRT), is a specialized method of delivering radiation so that the beam enters the body from many different angles to get to the tumor with pinpoint accuracy while sparing much of the surrounding healthy tissue.  This hospital specializes in the treatment of head and neck cancer with this method.  This doctor does this treatment continuously. 

            Seriously strong side effects of radiation therapy…8 out of 10 people have a feeding tube because it is too painful to eat.  Nausea, pain and damage to the lining of the mouth, the throat and jaw make it hard to get enough nutrition to heal.  Permanent damage to the surrounding tissue can make opening your mouth hard; the salivary glands are going to be sacrificed.  Salt and baking soda rinses help keep it clean.  “Nutrition is the single most important thing in this process.”

The radiation doctor has a fifty pound brain.

Pluses on my side: I am young and generally healthy, my tumor tested positive for HPV which has a high cure rate, and I have an awesome support structure; people from all over praying for me, loving on me and helping in so many ways. 

Minuses against me: tobacco use, nerve damage, hearing loss. Other drug cetuximab has less track record but better side effects.

Instrument Oral Prep

Today I felt great!  I was able to work in the garden, go to church and go to the airport and work with one of my friends in preparation for his instrument checkride. 
  My standard introduction to instrument flight training begins with "There is nothing hard about instrument flight' two or three hundred really easy things that will kill you if you do not get it right...but nothing hard."

  Toward the end of the process when preparing for the verbal portion of the checkride one often begins to realize just how much very technical information they have retained. 
What are the requirements to be current (legally)?  Flight review, carrying passengers, night, instrument approaches...This leads to questions on the wings program, who can be a safety pilot, what is category and class, what is an IPC, where can you find the requirements, and the BIG one.  Currency vs. proficiency and how that relates to personal minimums. 
  What inspections are required for the aircraft to be airworthy...Maintenance type (AV1ATE) Annual, VOR, 100 hour (if for hire), Altimeter (pitot static), Transponder and ELT.  What are the types of VOR checks, accuracy and how does this relate to 91.205 requirements for radios appropriate (WAAS).  Who can do an annual,  who can take a sunrise...no wait that is the candyman.  Anyway what is the difference between an annual and a 100 hour who can sign it off...what are ADs and STCs.  What is preventative maintenance?  Cool maintenance inspections are good...what documents are required to be on board the aircraft, what about the pilot, what are the minimum equipment requirements for day VFR, night and IFR flight, heck lets do oxygen and overwater also.  Then we pull out a chart and plan a flight, I generally start with a flight to a poopy brown airport (no IAP) so we can get into the details of when and alternate is required and non IAP alternates...then to a big airport so we can get into the infamous 12345 memory aid...and then standard alternates, nonstandard alternate minimums and heck may as well talk about nonstandard takeoff minimums and the difference between a DP and a ODP
This seems to be a post I could continue to add to and it would be useful to people

Blogging in your underwear

I am not sure I like this...and the rest of the library patrons seem to agree.

Ronney and the cancer

One of my friends suggested I start a blog.  It will help me deal with cancer and I hope help other people in  a similar situation.

  My name is Ronney Moss.  I am a 48 year old flight instructor.  About a week after valentines 2013 I noticed a lump on my neck.  I waited a day or two to see if it was an insect bite or something.  When it did not go away and with the prompting of my lovely wife I went to see a doctor. 
  They said it could be cat scratch fever, a swollen lymph node, a cyst or cancer.  "How can we narrow that down?"  So they did a lot of blood tests.  All came back negative so we had an ultrasound.  IT IS A BOY!  I have since named him Limpoolio.  It was a "mass" about 3 cm in size.  I was refered to the Base ENT for a biopsy and CT scan.  The doctor took a "fine needle biopsy" which means they stuck a needle in my Limpoolio. 
"Does that hurt?"  no
second needle
"Does that hurt?" no
third needle
"Does that hurt?" if I say no will you quit poking me?

After that the good doctor stuck a camera on a flexistraw up my nose until it can out of my mouth.  That was quite disturbing.

From there I went to radiology to get a CT.  The technician said "I need to inject you with some flourescent paint; it will make you feel warm all over and like you peed your pants.  Would you like to use the bathroom?"
Why yes I think that would be a good idea. 
"I want to be a secret agent from Mars...demure, no athletic"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtoJBv-YHUo 
Unfortunately the technician had not seen the movie so I am sure he was thinking "Definite dain bramage on this one"

A few days later I was diagnosed with cancer.  That was quite a shocker.  It explains a lot.  I have been feeling very fatigued and I have a limpoolio.  I grounded myself, as in, I choose not to fly.  Prudent pilots preflight.  Part of the preflight actions is to inspect the aircraft and make sure it is airworthy.  Equally important is to assess the pilot's fitness for flight.  Accronyms are a great way to help recall information.  We use the IMSAFE checklist.  Illness, Medication, Stress, Alcohol, Fatigue and Eatting/Emotion.  Well I am Ill, definitely stressed out and full of conflicting emotions.  NOT the best time to fly.  Especially with low time students who don't know how to fly.  The fact that the primary site of the cancer was not known made it especially critical.  Is my inner ear the problem and I will loose my sense of balance?  Or worse?
  At that point all I knew was I had Squamous cell carcinoma.  This is a very general kind of cancer that originates in the skin but so general that it could be your skin proper, the lining of your mouth, intestine or other parts. 

  As an independent flight instructor my primary source of income was gone.  God is great!  The same day I was diagnosed the sale of our rental property closed and we were squared away for a period of time.  Thank you God!

  The next appointment was at the university hospital.  My good friend went with me.  This allowed my wife to take a break.  She started going with me as the seriousness became apparent.  This has been very exhausting.  She dropped me off and parked the truck.  After umpteen hours in the hospital while I was being poked and proded she went to the truck and fell asleep.  I did not know where she parked and she was sleeping through the cell phone calls.  I finally used the Onstar system to set off the alarm.  It was a rude awakening but proved the worth of the system.  Anyway my friend offered to go and it was great.

  The doctor said "blah blah blah surgery blah blah blah."  My mind was not very clear at that point but my buddy was still focused and taking notes.  Thank you.  (I am new to blogging and not sure of privacy protocols).  On April Fools day I had a tonsillectomy, biopsies of the tongue and scopes of the voice box, throat and bronchia.  They found the primary site of the left tonsil. I am not an expert on biology but the lymphatic system filters out bad stuff. It was doing its job and filtered out cancer. Limpoolio is a lymph node full of squamous cell cancers.  This is stage IV.  Stage 0= no cancer...stage V=dead.  So this is one of those good news bad news stories.  Good news we found the primary site and they are good at this.  In North Carolina treating cancers that smokers and dippers get is fairly common.  Stage IV is heavy. 
  Tonsillectomies make your throat hurt but that is only to be expected when you cut chunks out.  "All the ice cream you can eat”  is a cruel joke.  Mmmm tastes good…swallow (imagine, or remember drinking tequila, hot sauce, salt and fire). 
  I have discovered many helpful sites.  Livestrong.org is very helpful.  The survivor videos helped me mentally.  There are 10 million cancer survivors.  It is interesting that some of the gray beards in my life responded almost like "I remember my first cancer...it was in 1976...In other words buck up kid skin cancer, bladder cancer and prostate cancer have not killed me yet...GET OFF MY LAWN!"
 
  I am mightily blessed. The outpouring of love and support has been AWESOME! As I pass by the entrance to the Children's Hospital on my way to my appointment my perspective changes. Feel free to spread love to the Ronald McDonald House
http://www.rmh-chapelhill.org/ 
  Today is a great day.  Tell your loved ones how you feel.