Fear of the unknown

   I told my mom I was not expecting a restful night and she asked me "when you did scary things in the military did you have trouble sleeping?"  I thought about it and remarked that I generally did sleep well because I had an illusion of control.  The training helped.  If we were going to scuba dive we had spent hours in the classroom, days in the pool rehearsing ad infinitum.  We might not have experienced visceral reality yet but had a pretty good idea of the sequence of events.  The same is true when I present stalls and spins to a pilot.  "What causes a stall?" "Excessive angle of attack…" "How do you recover?" "Reduce the angle of attack."  The first time they see a stall is a very controlled and gentle stall while we are coming back from a flight.  They have seen three or four demonstrated before they perform their first one and it is a generally very gentle experience.  I could (and did) present the academics on the ground which can translate to an overactive imagination that "we are going to make the plane stop flying and it may flip over into a spin!" 

  I was able to speak to one of the Imerman Angels www.imermanangels.org learned what to expect and received some sober advice from a cancer survivor.  He had essentially the same cancer a little over three years ago.  He let me know his experience with chemo, radiation and surgery.  Some scary things, the surgery had side effects that included loss of use of his left arm and neck...these were resolved after a few months of rehabilitation.  Some really good advice, he did not suffer much nausea the first two sessions of chemo but had severe indigestion the third time.  He waited until the next visit to alert his team.  They gave him some medicine and he experienced immediate relief.  Basically he had needless discomfort for a week.  I will be alert to let my team know.  The "pick up your kneecap and cowboy up" is not the way to approach the treatment.

  We were able to watch the aerobatic contest.  My wife drove, my mom rode shotgun and Ben and I rode in the back.  This is also therapy dog training.  We lounged in the grass and watched the pilots perform their routines.  I will be daydreaming of acro when I am in the chemo chair.  Ben is socializing well.  The aerobatic contests are a very family friendly environment.  Freaky people, "normal" people, grandparents, the grumpy old dude, moms, wives, husbands and kids were there.  Some of them were very friendly to him.  He was excitable and heavy with his responses at first but became gentle by the end of the day.  One of the little guys was very precocious.  He was petting him, examining his ears, nose and other parts.  He asked Ben "Do you lay eggs?" Not really and stay away from the tootsie rolls.

  By the time we returned to home I was very tired.  My guardian angels made me rest.  I hope to be able to participate in the Van Dorsten run in September.  http://combatcontrolnet.blogspot.com/2013/04/ssgt-luke-van-dorston-fundraiser.html

Heck I hope to attend the Lee County Relay for Life Friday

http://tinyurl.com/bslehpb

  I had a dream.  I was thinking "wouldn't it be cool if I could see the people who were praying for me?"...and then I did...like raindrops with a flash of the face...some familiar, some unknown.  Then I recognized I was in a body of water, first a pond, then a lake, then the ocean.  The thought flashed "wow, I am not sinking...I could drown."  Then I realized someone was holding my hand.  As I looked at Him a sense of calm fell over me and the blinding light of His presence woke me from my slumber.  Thank God and thank y'all for praying for me.