Successful Feedback

 

We all wish other people would just do what we say and then their problems would go away. Whether it is our friends, family or co-workers we often think we see the solution clearly. When we are teaching our children skills, like potty training, the message sometimes gets turned around and they learn the wrong lesson. "Tell me when you have to use the bathroom" is misunderstood and they lie to cover the offense. Telling the truth is more important than not soiling their pants but they do not understand.

The first principle is to remain calm and remember we do not control other people's attitude. Focus on the behavior. This is tricky because one of the most important lessons we can teach is keeping a good attitude. The best way to do this is, of course, by modeling. Remaining calm is harder than people give it credit. The more you care about the person the harder it is and I have no tricks to make it easier.

Constantly correcting people can discourage them and give them the idea that "I am never good enough." "You are always picking on me." This often leads either to depression or rebellion. One way to provide feedback is to sandwich the area for improvement with positive traits. Warm fuzzy, cold prickly, warm fuzzy. "You are so smart, I wish you would poo in the potty, you are great." It is important to be sincere, trust is essential.

Now, there are times that call for direct, cold, harsh words but those are rare indeed. DO NOT TOUCH THE STOVE!

I would like to give useful advise on how to help you give effective feedback but I am just another human. I think this way: Do I care about this person? Are they ready to listen? Am I ready to listen? Do I really have THE answer? Please share your thoughts.

From the Air Force

1. Determine the objective of the counseling before the session begins.

2. Hear the individual out.

3. Treat the member as having worth and dignity.

4. Show sincerity, courtesy, and personal interest in the individual.

5. Give the individual the facts, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant.

6. Don't brush off any problem as being too trivial.

7. Don't make snap decisions.

8. Don't make promises if you can't keep them.

9. Don't force decisions on the person - there may be other equally good and acceptable solutions.

10. Refer to other agencies.

11. Make contact for the individual with the referral agency.

12. Follow up referrals to make sure there is a continuity of action and that referrals are completed as soon as possible