Several years ago, I got a DUI. It was a significant emotional event. I was very depressed and my buddy Walter Morgan took me out to lunch. He listened to me whine for a while and then said “Ronney, you are an asshole.”
I responded “Thanks Walt, that is just what I needed.”
He said “If you got divorced and were kicked out of the Air Force you could and probably would bounce back. THAT bastard has a reason to whine.” pointing at a dude in a wife beater sitting on the porch of his run-down South Carolina red neck trailer.
“Stand up, do a triage on yourself and drive on.”
I began a long journey, searching my soul, reading multiple books and reflecting on the deeper meaning of life. I was sent to the Air Force drunk class so I had a few days without distraction. It was around this time that my son was learning how to get up and dress himself. One day he came into the room very early in the morning and loudly announced “Dad, I woke up!” In my sleepy decaffeinated nicotine deprived grumpy state I wanted to respond negatively but, I did not. Love is a powerful thing. I said “That is awesome!”
I began to think “Ronney, you need to be grateful that you woke up, you are alive and that means you have a chance.” A chance to do what?
One of the books I read was “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective people.” I recommend reading it. One of the book's more powerful exercises was to develop a mission statement with the thought of what will people say at your funeral. Think about your legacy, how you effect the world and the people around you. Although I have revisited it many times my personal mission statement remains fairly constant.
Concurrent with the soul searching and focused reading was a realization of how blessed I am. I started to think of ways to serve those less fortunate, not to give them handouts but a hand up. I started tutoring with the community college as a volunteer. I was teaching adults to read. It was amazing because I got to help some amazing people. One was a welder who had to find employment since the Charleston Naval Shipyard was cutting back. This man had done more for his country than I and was in dire straits since he was functionally illiterate. That is to say he could navigate through life but, missed out on so many nuances since he could barely read. Another was an 80-year preacher who wanted to read the Bible to his grand-kids. He had memorized the Bible. Soon the staff realized I was able to teach math and I began to tutor adult GED students.
When I focused on serving others and being a conduit for God's grace, I did not have time to reflect on the slings and arrows of my misfortunes. Living life with a larger purpose than my own sniveling needs keeps me busy and keeps my perspective grounded in the reality that I am not the center of the universe. My life journey has taken many turns since and I learned forgiveness. I remain a flawed selfish creature that fails daily but I learned to forgive even myself and concentrate on my mission. I am not living for myself anymore. It is strange that since I started focusing on the eternal and external, I have come to appreciate my present existence and generally have internal peace.
Your mission will be different than mine but formulating what you think it is will be a worthwhile exercise. If you internalize your mission, it gives you purpose. Dealing with the inevitable setbacks and stresses of life are easier when you have a larger goal. I tend to use exercise, prayer and action to manage my stress. Action can be as simple as gardening, playing with critters, motorcycle riding, shooting or as complex as flying.
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