Suicide

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Disclaimer: This is not a plea for help or cry for attention. I've got plenty of positive attention and an outstanding support network. Thank you all very much. When I started this blog I said I wanted to, if possible, help people in similar situations. I am proud of my son and his choice to be a mental health specialist in the National Guard. I don't have answers to all questions but I can tell you how I deal with things. In a different lifetime many years ago I would tie a knot in the string on the back of my beret in memory of my fallen comrades. I quit tying knots when I reached number 21. Some died in battle and are revered heroes, some of them died by their own hand. From the memorial website: “Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain."

I am still angry with them. I wish they had called and asked for help. I am still angry with myself; I wish I'd known to ask them if they needed help.

Once when I was feeling down and my brother (from another mother) was there for me. I had recently run my truck into the back of a North Charleston police car and was arrested for DUI. My truck and the police car were totaled. My military career was damaged and perhaps over…my wife was not happy.

Walt offered to take me to lunch. As we went out the gate he said “Ronney you're no good piece of junk.” I thanked him for trying to cheer me up. Walt used his brutal candor and southern humor to drive home the point that I had nothing to feel sorry about. Even if I lost my job my marriage and was naked outside the front gate I could still survive. I should use my talents to help those less fortunate than I. Because of that conversation I helped Laubach literacy teach people how to read. This was not mandated work by the court, the Air Force, or anyone else. This was one of the most satisfying things I have ever done.

There are so many gifts that I take for granted. Once I started counting my blessings I found it hard to feel sorry for myself. When I started sharing my blessings I found myself in alignment. God is teaching me lessons through this human experience. I don't think the lessons end with death.

Why this subject why now?

Head and neck cancer patients report depression at a rate 40 percent higher than other cancers. We are carefully watching for signs and symptoms. The side effects of nuerotin included an increased risk of suicide. I think of suicide as the end result of unmanaged depression.

A few weeks ago when I was taking a shower and parts of me were falling off and clogging up the drain I better understood why many cancer patients would feel depressed. Changes in physical appearance and abilities are humbling. The change from running races and competing in aerobatic contests to needing a wheelchair happened so fast it is hard to comprehend. If my self-worth and self identity were tied tightly to my appearance or abilities I would certainly be devastated.

I am truly blessed to have wonderful friends and family that love and support me. I am overwhelmed daily at the presence of God my life. Not that I haven't felt lonely at times, but not alone. I have been without company in many desolate places without many distractions. I believe in God because I experience him through his creation every day.

When I was young I mocked religious people out of arrogance and ignorance. I had never explored any of the claims or their doctrine. One day I finally heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God loves us. He is holy and just. I am NOT here to necessarily promote religion. The religious people hung Jesus on a cross. On the other hand there are millions of devoutly religious people who are sincerely trying to serve God and I do not want to disparage them in any way.

God wants us to love each other he wants us to be holy and just. Thank God he is merciful because we are not holy or just and we don't love our neighbor like we should. My lovely help mate and best friend said “I am too scared of God to commit suicide.”

Here is how I deal with it: I pray to God. I seek and accept help from friends, family, counselors, clergy, and psychologists/psychiatrists. I understand that I am a tiny speck in the universe and we all feel helpless at times. I fight for and savor every breath of the life I have been given. I try not to take my self too seriously.

I sincerely hope that this may be of some use to people in need. Asking for help is a sign of strength. Giving help is one of the most satisfying actions I have ever experienced. If you or someone you know is feeling depressed get help.