Ninety days later

It has been a little over ninety days since my last blast of radiation. My recovery continues slow and steady. Not that long ago I was struggling against the damage. I felt as though I was drowning in a sea of pain and while my consciousness fought for air. I am now aware of my body and the parts that are damaged but I am not constantly consumed with unpleasant mind-numbing sensory overload. This recent transition really increases my optimism. For the poor sap that may have to endure this treatment here are some details.
The first two weeks the effects of the treatment were still dominant. Nausea, fatigue and pain were moderated with drugs. Hazy mental processes minimized awareness. After about three weeks my ability to taste food started to return. Strong tasting vegetables were the first to break through. Things tasted kind of like kerosene and cardboard for several months and the change really lifted my spirit. Taste continued to improve gradually and seems to be back to “normal.” One of the best aspects of this process was when water did not have an oily aftertaste.
Thirty through sixty days after were some of the most challenging. Since this is an anecdotal account of one individual it may not be the experience of other cancer survivors. The term “chemo brain” refers to the mental fog that one experiences during treatment. I determined that I should quit the pain medications. I relish mental clarity and want to return to riding motorcycles and flying airplanes. Although some people drive while taking these drugs I did not think it was prudent. The opioid drugs oxycotin and fentanyl are similar to heroin in structure and effect. During the treatment program I appreciated the pain relief. The withdrawal was not pleasant but the frightening specter of addiction helped inspire me. I began the process of reprogramming my brain to deal with pain. The emotional roller coaster I was on coincided with the holidays and dreary winter weather. Fighting depression was a constant battle.
Sixty through ninety days were a challenging period. My “job” was/is to recover. Day to day maintaining enthusiasm to work out physically, spiritually and mentally requires effort. The progress is slow and hard to notice during the daily grind. Some days are good and some days are better. Stamina is tremendously variable. One day I will be able to complete my physical therapy routine and do other tasks without much drama. The next day I might not be able to complete the physical therapy exercises and have to take a nap. I am learning to be nicer to myself. I get angry when I am “lazy” or weak. My wife helps me to understand that rest is one of the ways my body recovers and to cut myself more slack.
I am blessed with an excellent support structure. My friends and family shower me with love and encouragement. To give advice to other people on the cancer journey seems kind of pompous. I do not know your situation. I can tell you what works for me and hope it helps. Count your blessings. Thank God. Remember everyone dies. It is part of life. Try to enjoy and learn from the experience. Keep your sense of humor. Love on the people around you. Get a dog. Exercise, eat more vegetables, and try to rest. Stay mentally active, play games, read books, and pray.

How many cancer survivors does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the light bulb and eleven to applaud and remark how much it inspires them.