Getting Stronger

            It has been about eight months since my last treatment.  Praise God I am alive!  Every day is a gift that I try to cherish.  I am working hard to get stronger.  Progress has its fits and starts.  I tend to overexert myself regularly and then have to back off.  Kicking my own butt seems to be a recurring theme.  I have learned to lower my expectations and accept my limitations.  I have stopped chastising myself for laziness.

            Progress can be counted in many ways. When comparing myself to other cancer survivors at the relay for life charity walk I am very blessed.  I do not have noticeable pieces of my body missing; I can walk and talk without assistance.  But I don’t dwell on comparing my performance to others.  It either produces depression because I can not play the piano, dunk basketballs, or juggle very well or arrogance because I can roll my tongue, sing off key very loud and my dog thinks I am the coolest human in the world.  I have a pedometer and my monthly mileage has increased from less than 25 miles a month in October to just over 100 in May.  I can do pushups again; strict form and high repetitions are coming slowly.  I have been able to ride my motorcycle and fly airplanes; wheelies and aerobatics may take awhile. 

            I am grateful for many of the simple pleasures in life.  I can taste food.  I am strong enough to do chores like mowing the lawn.  It is hard to believe how far I have come.  Yesterday was an awesomely cool day. 

I woke up.

            And that’s pretty cool.

            It got a lot better; I had breakfast with my lovely wife.  I took Ben for a walk in the woods after a summer thunderstorm.  That dog teaches me a lot; stop and smell the roses, and the snails, and the trees.  Occasionally urinate on things and kick up dirt.  Love unconditionally, live life like it is your favorite thing.  When you are sleepy, sleep.

Dealing with the pain remains one of the challenges.  I was praying about how I wanted God to take away the pain and I found some Biblical advice.  Paul asked for the thorn in his flesh to be removed and God said “no.”  Later in Romans I see that I am supposed to “rejoice in our suffering.”  Because suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope.  The paratrooper translation when he asked God to make the pain go away God said “Nope, suck it up, builds character.”  Thank all of you for your prayers and support.