The stores are filled with candy and
stuffed animals for Valentines Day. The expectations set by society
cause a lot of pain.
I am no expert but love is a verb.
People speak of "falling in love" like it is a hole in the
ground, maybe "stepping in love" describes what they are
doing. One of the stupid quotes from the divorce courts is "I
am not in love any more" like it is a pond, a forest or a
neighborhood. There are different types or levels of love. I love
my freinds and my country in a much different way than I love my
wife.
Unconditional love is a great concept
and is easier to apply to your kids. Realationships between lovers
are WAY more complicated. Infidelity, physical and psychological
abuse are examples of behavior that would warrent terminating the
relationship.
Love is a verb; actions, thoughts and
words. Feelings follow actions. This is where the "unconditional
love" concept and real life clash. If your lover does not
recipricate, that is a problem. That does not mean that an instant
tit for tat response is required or even desired. "Keeping a
list" is a concept that can destroy relationships. If the list
is a fairness scale then any imbalance causes problems. An alternate
list is how/why I love you, or what I like about you and that can
strengthen the bonds. Doing stuff for your partner without expecting
anything in return is love.
One of the misconceptions of a
successful marriage is that it is a 50/50 relationship. Both
partners need to be in 100%. Trying to make sure you get your fair
share and keeping score ends in resentment. Trying to give your best
and rooting for your partner is a road to fullfilment.
