When the janitor met the maid

One day a long time ago there was a janitor.  He worked hard and kept his nose clean for this was one of the few jobs he could get.
One spring morning he noticed the maid. She was beautiful! He would watch her arrive at work and he would watch her as she would leave.  Throughout the day he would catch glimpses of her but he was too scared to talk to her.  This went on for a long time.

One Monday they bumped into each other.
He said "Excuse me miss, pardon me miss."  as he stumbled over his feet which seemed to be in his mouth. She giggled and said it's OK. 
He said I notice you use Pine-sol rather than Lysol. She responded that she liked Pine-sol's scent but Lysol makes a great antibacterial spray that does not leave much of an odor. 
 He thought that this is the perfect woman for me and they spoke for hours on the benefits of various materials and methods, comparing notes.  Yeah, they kept notes.  Over the next few months and years they learned more about each other and a lot about cleaning.
One day...

Happy Mothers Day

When I was born I had visible horns.  I imagine that the doctor tried to reassure the gathered relatives that it was a “normal” birth.  I imagine my father loved me and said “This is too heavy for me.” joined the Coast Guard and requested Alaska.  He and my mother were divorced a few months later.  He paid child support until I turned eighteen.  I am every grateful for my father’s support.  He is my Daddy. 

My grandparents raised me while my mother was trapping another male to help care for me.  The man who stood up and married a woman with a wild child was wild himself.  He and my mother stuck with me through all the rough times.  I went to fourteen different schools before I graduated high school.

I was first arrested at age seven.  We were shooting flaming tennis balls from a rooftop at passing cars.  At seven it is not likely that I was the mastermind merely part of the gang.  We loved to run from the cops.  It was just like the movies.  We would leap from building to building and the “pigs” would not continue pursuit.  They just watched us and noted our path.  We used the same roof and escape path more than once and the police were waiting. 

My pop was mad at me.  He told me to “plan better” and pay attention.  My mother loved me.  That was San Jose, California.  I failed third grade.

We moved far from there to Desoto Parish in the swamp far from people and my mom and pop build a log cabin while home schooling me.  We were living in the back of a yellow Dodge Charger.  We would look up at the stars at night and bath in the rain. 

When I went back to pubic school we moved into the bustling metropolis of Gloster, Louisiana.  I thrived there.  I set the house and myself on fire many times. 

We burned our trash in 55 gallon barrels and when it was full we went to the dump.  I was dutifully burning the trash and experimenting with aerosol cans.  They were great fun!  I through some in and boom!  Being young and foolish I tossed some in and thought I had a dud.  I peaked over the edge and was met with a ball of flaming gas but that is a story for another day. 

My mother said “Never apologize for who you are.”  My wife said “Never be ashamed where you come from.”  My daughter said she was proud of me. 

I LOVE YOU MOM.  Thank you for sticking with me.  I am sorry for all the grief I have every caused you.  Thank God you are my mom.  Not all my friends have parents.

Not only am I blessed with an awesome mother I get to be married to an incredible woman that is an inspirational mom.  She inspires me to perform. 

My daughter’s marriage

            I am so proud of my daughter.  She is getting married…in a church.  This is the first church marriage in the Moss clan for a few generations.  Legend has that since we were excommunicated no one has been socially acceptable enough to pull it off.

            My lovely bride was nearly seven month pregnant when we were wed.  I was released early from work and my supervisor was my witness.  The witness is important because when people say “I don’t believe such a lovely woman would marry you.” You can then say “I have witnesses.”  Thank you Charlie

            We were married at the court house just outside of Clark AB, Republic of the Philippines.  I was in jungle fatigues and my wife in maternity biker attire.  I thought we were in trouble when the judge started shouting at my bride.  Judge Lansing knew my father in law who was a cop in Manila.  We had to get notarized permission to wed from our parents because we were too young.  After the interrogation and checking of paper we were wed. 

            Thank God for my wife.  She has been a blessing everyday.  I would probably be in prison or dead if not for her.  We have been blessed with two lovely children that inspired me to try to become a responsible human.  Our marriage has been nothing short of a miracle.